So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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