She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
