This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
