She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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