yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ladies don't puke and tell
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
