Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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