the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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