I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
