I feel like abortions should bother me more
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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