well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
