It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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