Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
