I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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