One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
