some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
