This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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