Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
