He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
should my penis look like a turkey
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
