Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
