when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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