plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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