You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
