I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
