Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
