Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
