i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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