things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
