I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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