It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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