We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
