You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Can I color on your dick again?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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