His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
