im drinking this country out of the recession.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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