I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
