the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize