So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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