I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
