Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize