I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
