You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
