I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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