Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I believe in your delicious
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
