Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
