dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
