12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize