my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize