I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
