I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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