Betty ford says i'm here all night
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
