Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
