everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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