well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
