the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
