I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
