sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
