She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
