are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
