NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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