is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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