So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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