You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I looked at my own cervix.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
