3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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