if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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