I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
