I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize