some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
