Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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